[edit] i no longer want to have something solid. i rather be grasping at air, at something i can't define or feel. i want to want, not to have. i'm not sure why though. is it cause i know there's nothing much to really want, or that i don't really want it.. and i just like toying with the idea of having it and craving after it. or maybe i don't need it at all now. i don't quite understand myself sometimes.

it seems that i've been this way, felt this way, thought this way for so long.. that now, when the feelings, memories, emotions and everything but the scars are gone, i still can't stop myself from acting in that manner. i don't know how to be mean to you, to show you how much you've hurt me, to show you how disappointed and upset i am, or how disgusted i am by the situation i'm in. and it really irks me. irks me to no end. that i don't have the strength, resolve or ability to be true to myself. at least the other action i can't control doesn't bother me that badly because i know its over and done. all that's left is the smell. the smell that still can make me tick. hah [/edit]

i must have found one of my favourite dances ever (((((: though i really don't like either dancers (no personality) beh. but omg this dance is beautiful. and so wonderfully choreographed its so heart-aching. gosh i love mia michael :D she win ok she win.



massive shopping spree today + mel being back + wonderful workmates + dances = VERY VERY VERY HAPPY WJ (:

happy birthday lyds!